just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I could make wine with my vomit
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
