dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
