My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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