twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
