It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Who died my cat blue again?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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