why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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