now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
