Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
