it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
