Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize