As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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