Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
