I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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