i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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