I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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