I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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