I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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