I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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