this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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