he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
