Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
my liver is dry heaving
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
