Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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