Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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