He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
