I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
