the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The best revenge is premature balding
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
The air taste purple.
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