We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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