i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
