i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
