I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
