anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
