I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
