thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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