His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
