tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm both gender and math confused
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
