let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
