I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize