What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
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