It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It's shark week go big or go home
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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