well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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