I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
