it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
