I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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