Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
