he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
