He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
