'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize