Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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