My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize