Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
