when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
