tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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