never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
