do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
