gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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