i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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