Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
