what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
