I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
