Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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