Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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