Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
