He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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