Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
