Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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