I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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