the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I forgot wine drunk hurts
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
