Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
