A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
